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I Don't Want No Other Love Baby It's Just You I'm Thinking of

Written By Tuesday, March 8, 2022 Add Comment Edit

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Is your libido lagging? Medications, wellness weather condition, stress, depression, and more can be to blame.

Depression libido

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When you first met your partner, there was electricity, at that place was passion, and there was sexual activity—lots of it. Now, information technology'southward a challenge to remember the last time you were naked together. "Virtually all relationships go through some sort of tapering-off period, typically subsequently six months to a twelvemonth," San Francisco-based licensed marriage and family unit therapist Vanessa Marin tells Wellness. In a National Institutes of Health report that followed couples over xxx years, 75% reported a pass up in sleeping accommodation activeness over time.

While there are dozens of reasons for lack of lust—from illness to stress to scheduling—the truth is that sex is salubrious for body and mind and builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership in your relationship. One study in the periodical Sexual activity and Marital Therapy found that women who are sexually satisfied report higher levels of overall well-being than women who aren't getting the aforementioned satisfaction. We invite you to recognize the real-life obstacles to your healthiest, nigh fulfilling sex life, so yous tin find ways to overcome them.

RELATED: Sex During the Coronavirus Just Isn't Happening—and Information technology's Totally Normal

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You're on your phone all the time

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Smartphones keep united states of america continued to everyone except the one person we're sleeping with. "We're on our phones and computers when we spend fourth dimension together, before we go to slumber, and all as well often commencement affair when we wake up," Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com, tells Health. In a study of nearly 150 married women, seventy% said that engineering interferes with their sex lives.

Sex Rx: Turn off to get turned on. Y'all could agree to quiet notifications during QT with your partner, just if that's unrealistic, try putting sex activity on the schedule. "The idea of spontaneity is heady, but if you lot want it and it's not happening, y'all have to plan for it," Levine says. All you lot're planning is the time slot—not how the deed will unfold.

RELATED: Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder Causes Low Libido in Women—Hither's What to Know

You're busy with stuff

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When it comes to day-to-solar day priorities, sex often falls low on the totem pole. "Nosotros prioritize the things that stress us out the about, fifty-fifty if it's emptying the dishwasher," Anita Clayton, Medico, University of Virginia psychiatry professor and writer of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy, tells Health. "When our partner approaches u.s.a., we think, 'I have to become this done and yous're talking about that?'"

Sex Rx: Accept the fact that the dishes and laundry will still exist there later, and a roll in the hay will likely not decimate your world order. Take 20 minutes out of the multitasking marathon of life for some individual fourth dimension with your partner, which is probable to be heaps more rewarding than an empty dishwasher or a neat pile of shirts.

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You lot're letting stress win

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Stress is par for the form, especially for women. The American Psychological Association'south Stress In America survey confirms that women report higher stress levels than men and are more likely to feel stressed in the get-go place. What's important is how we manage information technology. "Some people can handle pressure level and crises in their life and stay calm and loving," Stanley Ducharme, PhD, clinical psychologist and sexual practice therapist at Boston Medical Center, tells Health. "Other people sort of fall apart—they get frustrated and upset and demand to blame someone."

Sex Rx: Notice healthy outlets for stress, whether it's yoga, running, a painting grade or…sex activity! Unless your partner is directly responsible for your stress (more on that subsequently), connecting in a concrete, soulful way will bring on the happy hormones and send stress packing.

RELATED:The Best Sex Positions for Dialing Back Stress and Anxiety

Y'all oasis't had a conditioning in weeks

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Besides easing stress and boosting mood, exercise increases blood flow and stimulates feel-proficient hormones, allowing you lot to go turned on more speedily and hands and heightening sensation. In a study from the University of Texas at Austin, women who rode stationary bicycles for 20 minutes got more than physically aroused by a racy film clip than women who had filled out paperwork beforehand. Other research suggests men benefit too, so if you lot're not moving, y'all're missing out on this biochemical foreplay. "The encephalon is very plastic, then the more you reinforce those circuits, the meliorate they work," Dr. Clayton says. "And if you don't use information technology, there's this cloudburst."

Sex Rx: Move your torso for at least xxx minutes a day—bonus if it's just before sexual practice. And if you lot tin piece of work out together with your partner, even better!

RELATED: These 4 Ab Workouts Can Aid Yous Have Better Sex activity (Seriously)

Y'all're obsessed with your weight

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Worrying about perceived body flaws can leave you hiding under the covers. "Whether you realize information technology or non, your body image has a huge effect on how yous feel and act sexually," human relationship expert Terri Orbuch, PhD, author of five Simple Steps to Accept Your Marriage from Good to Great, tells Health. Your self-consciousness can lead to avoiding sexual practice, simply it can plant seeds of doubt in your partner's mind. He (or she) might call back: Does she not love me? Is there someone else? Am I doing something incorrect?

Sex Rx: Stay present during sexual practice. "And so often we're not in the moment—we're above it or exterior of it looking in and thinking, Oh God, I look and so unattractive," Dr. Clayton says. "Information technology changes that emotional intimacy that's part of experiencing pleasure with a partner." To assist yourself stay in the moment, try replacing doubting thoughts with a narration of the action: My partner is caressing me and information technology feels good.

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Everything you know near sex you learned from Hollywood

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First they kiss; so their hands wander; soon they're intertwined, feverishly thrusting until the human being orgasms. That may work for the big screen, but it may non work for you. Believing that sexual activity happens simply in a set mode can be intimidating and dampen the impulse to try. "Instead of being goal-oriented, women tend to be more than pleasure-oriented, like a circle, with each awareness on the perimeter of the circumvolve and an end unto itself, not necessarily culminating in a climax," Rutgers Academy sexual practice researcher Beverly Whipple, PhD, tells Health. "Women tin can feel good about whatever brings them pleasure—they don't have to fit into a mold." Whipple's study in the Journal of Sex Research confirms that women's sexual responses don't fall neatly into one pattern, but come from a diversity of stimuli and can light upwards the same parts of the brain every bit men's do when they reach orgasm.

Sexual practice Rx: Give yourself permission to feel sensual and sexual pleasure in non-textbook ways. Pursue what truly feels good without force per unit area to perform.

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The sex plays out like reruns on Hulu

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The same-onetime, same-sometime can leave you lot tired and uninspired. "Couples tend to autumn into what's quick and easy rather than what's fulfilling and adventurous," Levine says. "On one paw, it's squeamish to feel known and understood past your partner sexually, just on the other hand, familiar routines hands go stale."

Sex Rx: One study shows that if yous're motivated to satisfy your partner'southward sexual needs (inside reason), your partner will detect this responsiveness and in turn feel more than satisfied and committed to the human relationship. To testify your can-practise spirit, Levine recommends that you and your partner list xx new sexual experiences to do or try—think scented candles, a sexy playlist, muddy talk, or trying out toys. Rate the ideas on a calibration of ane to 5, with 1 being "don't similar and don't want to effort" and 5 beingness "love and/or desire to try," and plan a time to requite your elevation picks a whirl.

RELATED: What Does It Mean to Have a 'Dead Bedroom' Human relationship? We Asked a Sex Therapist

Y'all're too comfortable

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Security, predictability, and stability are part of the beauty of marriage or a long-term relationship—hello, sweatpants and Netflix! But they can also exist its undoing in the sleeping room. That's because we too require novelty, run a risk, and discovery. And nosotros're in a position, paradoxically, to accept to become both of these needs met by the same person.

Sex activity Rx: The key to desire is wanting, not having, according to couples therapist Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity . Wanting each other is the electric current that get-go brought you lot together, and the matter you want to recapture to spark up your sex life. Go for the big tease: transport a tantalizing text or suggestive selfie; create a agenda invite for a VIP meeting nether the sheets; or give him a sneak peek of lace underthings while you're at a party or restaurant (or whisper that you're wearing no underthings at all). These assuming moves are themselves a kind of foreplay—you'll both come home with but one thing on your listen.

RELATED: How to Have Keen Sex activity After Menopause

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You're seriously only not interested

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The majority of visits to sex therapists and sexual activity medicine doctors are considering of low libido, says Ducharme. Although "low libido" can have dozens of causes, in women,  hypoactive sexual desire disorder often has to exercise with pain with sex, difficulty with lubrication, and difficulty reaching orgasm. "If a adult female has low libido, most often there are other difficulties that keep with that," he says.

Sex Rx: If your libido really has you lot downwardly talk to your doc virtually treatments like Addyi (flibanserin) or Vyleesi ( bremelanotide), the just FDA-approved medications to treat hypoactive sexual desire disorder in pre-menopausal women.

RELATED: The Best BDSM Sex Positions, From Easy to Advanced

Erection just aren't happening

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As we historic period, information technology'south not unusual for men to have trouble getting it upward or keeping it upwardly, thanks to medications or health issues like hypertension, high cholesterol, and diabetes. "Annihilation that affects blood flow affects a man's ability to achieve and maintain an erection," Ducharme says. "Erections simply aren't every bit reliable, they're not equally business firm, and they're not as predictable." This can become a source of anxiety and make sex feel more obligatory than fun.

Sexual practice Rx: Get checked out by a doctor, especially since problems in bed could point to bigger wellness bug. "These kinds of sexual dysfunction are treated very effectively these days," Ducharme says. And in the meantime, roll with the punches. If you become an erection, great, let's have fun, Ducharme says. "If not, permit'south but enjoy being naked together and touching and kissing and enjoying what we tin can do."

RELATED: How to Make Any Man Last Longer in Bed

You're not feeling super connected

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In this historic period of tag-team parenting and 80-60 minutes workweeks, staying connected can feel impossible. And nonetheless for many people, intimacy is a prerequisite for sex. "Most women need to experience connected to their partner earlier they'll engage in touching, hugging, kissing, which then, and only then, leads to bodily sex," Orbuch says. "Simply for men, information technology's the reverse. Information technology's the deed of having sex that makes them feel connected, which tin can then lead to touching, hugging, and other acts of amore." And yet, feeling bonded is obviously important for both partners, as is clear from the results of a study in the Periodical of Sex showing that married couples have more than sexual practice during periods of greater intimacy.

Sex activity Rx: Inject some flirtation into life outside the sleeping accommodation. Leave a heartfelt sticky notation on your partner'southward laptop, sneak a kiss, or even pay an unexpected compliment. Lighting the sexual pilot light, as it were, will make it easier to get a roaring fire going.

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Yous're pissed off

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Tensions in your human relationship take a heavy toll in the chamber. "If you're annoyed with your partner, you lot're probably not going to desire to accept sex with that person," Dr. Clayton says.

Sex activity Rx: Whatsoever strong emotions that yous don't acknowledge volition only erode your intimacy and trust over time, Dr. Clayton explains. Hashing out bug—outside of the moment (that'south cardinal)—volition help resolve minor quibbles earlier they snowball into major bug. A study of women suffering from sexual dysfunction showed just how important communication can exist. While 1 group of women got a nasal spritz of the bonding hormone oxytocin before sex activity and the other grouping received simply a spritz of a placebo, both groups enjoyed similar improvements in sex, according to the diaries they kept. The study author credits the fact that in keeping diaries, the women thought more than nigh their sexuality and communicated more with their partners about sex during the class of the study, potentially immigration up any misunderstandings that were preventing them from fully expressing and enjoying their sexuality.

You're feeling depressed

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If y'all feel tired, forgetful, and indecisive, your sex activity life may not be the merely thing that's off. Virtually nineteen one thousand thousand Americans suffer from depression, according to the National Institute of Mental Wellness, affecting 10 to 25% of women at some point in their lives. Unfortunately, depression goes hand in hand with low sexual desire. "If you lot're depressed, y'all're much more likely to accept low sexual desire, and if you accept depression sexual want, you're more probable to take depression," Dr. Clayton says. They feed off ane another in a vicious circumvolve.

Sex Rx: The dynamic duo of do and meditation just twice a week can ease depression, according to 2016 findings from Rutgers University. If you adopt to pop a pill, talk to your doctor about an antidepressant that is not a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), which have been known to affect sexual function. Medications such as Brintellix, Vybrid, Wellbutrin, Remeron, and Mirtazapine assistance lift the blues without zapping your sex drive, Dr. Clayton says. Wellbutrin may actually boost your sexual practice drive.

Your bedroom isn't exactly a love nest

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Scenery makes a difference. Having work papers on the nighttime table, family photos on the dresser, cell phones pinging and dinging, and a Goggle box clarion horrible news is unlikely to set up the phase for romance. Ditto the bright overhead lighting and flannel bedding that beckons slumber before sex.

Sex Rx: Levine encourages a sex-friendly bedroom makeover: Clear out anything that reminds you of piece of work, stress, or your parents (or in-laws), and blackball the big screen, which may discourage the kind of pillow talk that leads to sex. And so add romantic touches similar bedside candles for ambient lite, throw pillows for audacious positioning, a plush rug as an alternate spot for lovemaking, and fifty-fifty a stash of "pleasance props" in the nightstand. (Or at to the lowest degree a skillful tube of lube.) Brand certain there's a lock on the door for privacy—then you'll know you're alone, at least until you lot hear lilliputian knocks.

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I word: Kids

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It'southward natural to lose involvement in sexual activity temporarily after having a baby. "That can be biologic because of hormonal shifts, or because we tend to proceeds weight and because our roles modify," Dr. Clayton says. "We go from being a sexy hottie to a nurturing mother." And a dip in sex drive isn't limited to biological moms; dads and adoptive parents have to deal with muddied diapers, burping, and soothing, besides, leaving you with radically less time to just be a couple and do the fun, romantic things that brought you together in the first place. Even when the kids become older, they're still around, making privacy elusive.

Sex Rx: Y'all've heard the advice to plan for date night, and that'southward a nifty first step. "But honestly," Dr. Clayton says, "having some time to just be together without the lark of the children tin assistance restore a spark there." Try to schedule an adults-merely getaway about every 2 months, even it's just to a hotel a mile down the route.

Yous don't orgasm easily

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If the large O is more like the large eh, you might feel less compelled to go decorated. "It'southward not unusual for women to have elusive orgasms, especially when they're focused on the outcome, when it's really virtually the journey," Levine says. And many of us haven't gotten to know our bodies as well equally we could. "You tin't expect someone else to become you off if you don't know how yous like to be touched."

Sex Rx: Take responsibleness for your ain want by exploring what turns you on in solo sessions or with your partner, Levine says. As a bonus, having more orgasms will fortify your bond, co-ordinate to a study from the University of Connecticut, which could lead to yet more orgasms. When the hormone oxytocin floods your brain immediately later climax, the researchers found, you're more than likely to share of import, usually positive, information with your partner. According to the lead study writer, post-coital communication is key to sexual and human relationship satisfaction.

RELATED: Anal Orgasms Are Real—Here's How to Have One

Medication is getting in the mode

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The answer to your low libido could be sitting in the medicine cabinet. Antidepressants (including SSRIs such every bit Prozac and Zoloft and tricyclic antidepressants such as Elavil), anti-anxiety drugs, beta-blockers, blood pressure medications, steroids, pain medications, birth control pills, and even antibiotics, antihistamines, and diuretics may dampen desire. "They modify your body chemistry and can cause sexual side effects," Orbuch says. Antihistamines, for example, dry out your body's mucous membranes, robbing you of natural lubrication. Antidepressants inhibit the key neurotransmitters dopamine and noepinephrine, keeping orgasms out of attain. Nativity control pills dampen your libido past boosting production of a protein that makes testosterone unavailable.

Sex Rx: You're not stuck choosing betwixt expert sexual practice and practiced health. Talk to your doctor nigh switching medications, trying culling remedies or just changing up the dosage or timing of your existing Rx to minimize its issue on your mojo.

RELATED: The Drugs People Take Most Often Before Sex activity, Co-ordinate to a New Study

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You don't feel well

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Not feeling well can bring on a sex drought. At that place's a laundry listing of conditions that can dampen your drive—from sleep apnea and stress incontinence to diabetes and thyroid disorders. "Any affliction that damages fretfulness or blood vessels or hormones tin can crusade problems with sexual performance," Dr. Clayton says.

Sex Rx: If you doubtable your system is out of whack in some way—y'all're non sleeping well, you feel particularly sluggish, or your menstrual bike has gone screwy—talk to your doctor to meet if you tin pinpoint the crusade and go whatever conditions under control.

RELATED: 5 Reasons You Should Accept Sexual practice on Your Period

You need more than life outside the chamber

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Your nights and weekends all alloy together in a brume of cooking, cleaning, parenting, TV, and Facebook. But when life is ho-hum, sex is tiresome. "I of the reasons sex is so wonderful at the first of a human relationship is because everything is new and exciting," says Orbuch.

Sexual activity Rx: Recapture the newness of your dating days past doing something dissimilar together—ideally an action that gets your adrenaline pumping. "Your encephalon will naturally transfer the feeling of novelty onto your relationship," Orbuch says. "You feel physical arousal in your trunk and pin the crusade of it on your partner—and i kind of arousal can stimulate another." Have a surfing or snowboarding lesson, railroad train for a marathon, or meet a box-office thriller that gets you gripping each other in fearfulness.

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Source: https://www.health.com/sex/dont-want-sex

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